Trailer Review: Insidious 2: Insidiouser

The follow up someone must have asked for. To be fair, while I didn't like Insidious I like that it helped bring back the adult haunted house movie. Nothing will ever be The Haunting again (unless you like the Jan De Bont remake) but it's nice to have an alternative to all the remakes and gory movies out there. While I like the first two thirds of Insidious the final third devolves the worst Cirque du Soleil show ever.

And we're back with that random but haunted family, even though the end of Insidious was all about the husband being possessed or something, he's fine now? In any event, don't think too hard about the ending and enjoy this trailer:

 See? It's all coming back to haunt them. Isn't it scary? Aren't you terrified? I'm a little terrified, mainly because it's an effective if repetitive trailer. The trailer for Insidious 2 packs in all the most effective parts of of the first film but in a new house! See, new architecture, sppppoooooooooooooooooooky right? And the filmmakers renewed their contract with Cirque du Soleil, so that's nice.

Interestingly Insidious 2 is not trying to do anything new. It's a blatant retread of what came before it. It's also easily confusable with the other ghost film coming out this fall called The Conjuring. Even the tagline "it will take what you love most" is pretty much the plot of the first movie. I have a weary respect for any film that challenges you to see it just to see if anything is different from the first film.

I don't have a problem with Insidious Chapter 2, because I loves me some Rose Bryne and a good haunted house movie so I'm glad we're seeing these kinds of films exist in conjunction with indie films, gory films and remakes. You're bound to get a good movie out of them, if only by accident.

I Fall to Pieces (1982)

I should probably get this out of the way...

Ahem,

One of my new favourite slashers and a glorious clusterfuck of a movie, Pieces (1982) is a Spanish film set in Boston. The film opens with a child putting together a dirty puzzle. (not a puzzle that's grubby, but a naughty puzzle) His mother enters, admonishes him and he hacks her into pieces. (geddit?!) When the police enter to find the gruesome scene they find the boy tucked away in a closet, an apparently survivor of the atrocity.

The film picks up a few decades later with nubile female coeds getting sliced and diced. It's clear that the little boy who killed his mother is behind these new murders but who did the little boy grow up to be? A police officer? A professor? A creepy landscaper? The above suspicion Dean? WHO?!?!

Granted this all may seem simple but there's also a lot tennis played, volunteer undercover cops and a Kung Fu professor. Part of my immediate love for Pieces is that it speaks to the bat-shit craziness of how these slasher movies were cobbled together. Take your basic recipe of slasher ingredients and garnish with a director's random assortment of interests and that would be your movie. Since slashers were the Found Footage Horrors of yesteryear independent companies where churning them out since they were guaranteed to see a return on their (and privates investors) funding. What I love about Pieces in particular is the interpretation of the American life. From the freshly cut lawns to the deeply held Puritan values it's always interesting to get an outsiders perspective on North American society.

As for Pieces as a film it's oddly disjointed but that's what makes it so glorious to watch. Beyond the paint-by-numbers slasher plot there's so much oddball hilarity and over the top gross out scenes that it's nearly impossible not to engage with it. Around every corner there's either a jazzercize class or a killer with something sharp, it's all part of the fun!!

ALSO: I watched this movie since it's set in Boston, where I will be on Saturday June 29th giving the lecture I originally presented at the Black Museum in Toronto. Tickets are on sale here for Ghosts in the Machine the Evolution of Found Footage Horror.

Horror Mysteries: Event Horizon (1997) - Highway to Hell

I love Event Horizon. Rewatching it recently I was shocked that the same guy that has helped the Resident Evil series limp through so many sequels made this brilliantly gruesome film. Taking place in 2047 Event Horizon (a term in space exploration that mean "the point of no return") follows the crew of the Lewis and Clark who goes to investigate the reappearance of the Event Horizon, a spaceship that went missing seven years prior.

The ship reappears because Dr. Weir (Sam Neill) built a super crazy gravity drive that creates black holes which in theory would allow for infinite space travel. But because it was built by a character Sam Neill is playing, it's inherently eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil. So the crew of the Lewis & Clark (which I will stop thinking of as Lois & Clark) led by Lawrence Fishburn with Dr. Weir in tow goes to check out the newly returned ship. Once the crew dock with the Event Horizon, they board the ship to find out what happened to the crew. Almost immediately Justin (Jack Noseworthy) aka Baby Bear is sucked through the gravity drive for mere seconds and comes back in a catatonic state. The crew finds the footage of the former crew enjoying the finer points of sadomasochism and decides to get the fuck out. Parts of the ship were damaged so while the crew works to fix them, the Event Horizon messes with them and finally takes control of Dr. Weir who sabotages them at every point.

Did you shave differently?

This poses an interesting question, when Justin was first sucked in the ship seemed to activate itself, towards the end of the film, the ship requires Dr. Weir to activate it. Now it's implied that the ship can do things on its own (since it's basically a big haunted house in space) BUT those could all be hallucination which would make the ship more a psychosomatic entity rather than a physical one.  

The Easy Button

The other possibility, since Weir's goal is to send the WHOLE ship to the Hell dimension that the Event Horizon can open small portals (that could suck one person in) but the gravity drive needs to be fully activated by someone to send the whole shebang to Hell.

Formal Testing

OR the Event Horizon is testing the new crew that's come on board. The first crew whom we catch glimpses of through the recovered footage is all about the Hell dimension; ripping out eyes, weird sexual acts, they're all over it, Jerry! So, what to do when a new crew arrives? FEATS OF STRENGTH! Or just mess with them for a bit to see if any of them are susceptible to joining the Cruise to Hell. That way the ship bides its time to see who is up for it. Since Weir is the only one, it makes sense (well, for this movie) that he would take on trying to dispatch with the rest of them then hightail it out of our dimension to his new home.

Trailer Review: Gravity (2013) or Where the F@#& is Iron Man?!

Confession time guys, when I was in school it was really cool to say you wanted to be an astronaut. Maybe it was because of the resurgence of Star Trek TNG or for other non-nerdy reasons but I remember a lot of kids saying that they want to be space explorers or some such non-sense. I also remember telling my mom I would never be an astronaut. "Why, honey?" she'd ask. Well, Mom, this:

This was/is pretty much my exact fear.

Gravity is the new film by Alfonso Cuarón, his first film since he directed one of my all time favourite films Children of Men. From my understanding, this film was ready to go for a long time but got held up with casting. With a budget of $80 million and an intense yet strangely specific premise the studio needed star power behind this film, so who do you call? George Clooney and Sandra Bullock. I'm not huge fans of either of them but firstly, I've got nothing against Sandra Bullock, secondly at least she's not playing a mom, thirdly it's strangely refreshing to see a grown ass woman as a scientist. 

This is a great trailer. It's intriguing, intense and horrific in an entirely different way than what we're used to. Most horror trailers are like a montage from the film and inevitably give something away. The Gravity trailer focuses on a specific incident and it becomes more horrifying as it goes on. In our recent Faculty of Horror podcast about fear, I talked about this Psychology Today article which breaks down our basic fears. I think the Gravity trailer is a great realization of the fear of loss of autonomy. Space is the great equalizer in films. Whether it's Alien or Event Horizon we're all susceptible to the elements out there and it also fucks with our notions of God complexes and humanity inevitably. (that's usually the third act twist)

Will Gravity be the great film we're expecting? (as great as the trailer at least) I'm not sure sure. It's an intriguing but small plot which is hard to sustain. I have great faith in Cuaron as a director and writer but I have less faith in Bullock and Clooney being able to give sustained focused performances.

I'm going to hope that this movie kicks ass. It's original, I've been waiting for a new movie from this guy since 2006 and this trailer alone chilled me to my core.

Short Film Review - Legitmate (2013)

While Canada is mired in its own Conservative government, the US has seemed permanently plagued by it's puritan values which are the soap-box for the likes of the whackadoo Tea Party platform to stand on. For outsiders it's confusing, disturbing and scary. I can't imagine what it's like to be immersed in that culture.

Boston based director Izzy Lee's new short Legitimate (soon to be making the rounds at the likes of the Mascara and Popcorn Festival in Montreal as well as the Massachusetts Independent Film Festival in Cambridge) is lyrically dark take on the seemingly prevailing attitudes towards female sexuality and rape in the present climate. The film opens with the unintentionally sensational quote from former Missouri Representative Todd Akin, "if it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try and shut that thing down." Beyond Akin's bizarre lack of understanding of the female body can and can't do, it immediately brought to light the notion of "legitimate rape", is there a time that rape is ever consensual? Are women who get pregnant from rape lying about the experience? If anything, that quote revealed that a portion of the population are unable or unwilling to understand the various facets of rape which, to me, is scarier than any monster under my bed.

Legitimate begins with a male politician (Michael Thurber) being seated in a darkened room with a drink. A woman in lingerie and bound with white rope begins to dance for him as he holds on to the rope. As the woman unties herself through the dance, the man becomes sleepy with an indication that his drink was spiked. In the later half of the six minute short, the man awakens horrified at what has happened to him.

Legitimate seems like a deleted scene from a particularly dark episode of Twin Peak with its dream-like atmosphere and surreal quality. The film makes use of its standout score by Montreal composer Shayne Gryn, which is unique yet instantly haunting and boosts the film's cinematic quality. Director Lee sets her sights on giving the male character an experience of a forced violent assault. From the dance to the woman, Legitimate sets up the supposed fantasy of the sexualized submissive woman but with a terrifying outcome. The women that appear in the later half of the film turn the tables on the politician who is seemingly unable or unwilling to see women outside of his own terms.

What is so fascinating about Legitimate is that it is horrifying for both genders, the dream-like quality becomes nightmarish as the male gaze is corrupted and destabilized. The women are driven to extremes and the man punished for his misogyny. It is poignant and horrific, a sign of the time for a political force that is unable to expand their world view. Lee's bold direction begins with the male gaze that we are so accustomed to then bravely forces us to question it by making us uncomfortable with the dynamics between the dancer and the politician. It is aggressive and passive, and chillingly banal for both parties involved until the tables are turned.

Legitimate is a terrifying look at where we are headed because of our dependence on gender roles and perceived safety. It examines the violent places people are pushed in order to be heard or avenged. It is a glimpse of a darker journey down a road that our culture is unknowingly going down.

See the teaser for Legitimate here.

Live Blog: Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

I haven't done alive blog in FOREVAR and I'm not sure why. You guys seemed to like them, I like doing them because they get written while I watch the movie without all that pesky thinking. I think I've held off because live blogging lends itself to a special kind of movie. Something awful enough that I can type nonsense and it still kind of works, like this, this or this.

Then Wrong Turn sequels kept popping up in my Netflix recommendations. I'd heard about them, but never seen one, even though I've been told the first is quite good. But why watch a good movie when I can watch a pre-sequel? (a sequel that is also a prequel) Isn't THAT the real way to start watching a franchise? Let's find out...

7:39pm: According to my Netflix account I've watched 5 minutes of this before... Probably while drunk. Based on the lighting alone in the first scene I'm betting the decision to turn it off was my best move of the night.

7:40pm: We're in a groddy looking mental institution for inbreds or something. Mainly I'm drawn to the saucy looking lady in the polyester.

7:42pm We're meeting the something brothers. The actor mumbled his line and I can't be bothered to rewind.

7:43pm: Apparently these brothers are the most evil. Because they're cannibals. And they can't feel pain due to inbreeding.

7:44pm: Do you call it rewinding when you're on your computer?

7:45pm: Saucy polyster lady wants to work with the brothers but the man-doctor isn't so sure about this. As soon as the doctors are gone one of the other patients uses a bobby pin from Polyester Lady to unlock the cell. And this is where the tax payer's money goes. For shame. 

7:46pm: The brothers grunt at the other inmate to give the bobby pin to them. The other patient agrees because yes.

7:50pm: They're out! And they appear to have very similar hair to all these teeny bopper kids running around today.

7:51pm: They attack and partially eat a guard and let all the other patients out.

7:53pm: And now everyone's running around being dicks.

7:54pm: They've got the man-doctor tied up and now they're going to torture him. We're just over ten minutes into this film and it already feels like they're padding it out.

7:56pm: And NOW the credits come. Because this film is classy.

7:56pm: Oh, wait. Scratch that last thing I said because now it's 2003 and there are some young people doing it. But in the straight-to-video way. The way where the two people are moaning in unison.

7:59pm: But they're holding hands and she's faking her orgasm (you can tell) so you know she cares.

8:00pm: Now there's a whole other lady couple having sex. The chick just keeps saying "Yes. ... Yes. ... Yes."

8:01pm: The two couples are having sex in same room. And Organized Person walks into the room telling them they need to leave to go on the trip. The couples try to get the Organized Person the join them in the sex. The Organized Person makes this face:

8:03pm: The Organized Person tell them they have three minutes to get downstairs. And calls them bunnies.

8:04pm: Someone complains that they aren't going to Aspen this year. This is why I survived university. Because I never hung out with asshats like these.

8:05pm: There are like 37 people on this trip.

8:06pm: Someone worries about a big storm moving in. Everyone makes fun of him. He looks like he's going to cut himself.

8:07pm: SNOWMOBILING MONTAGE!!!

8:08pm: They got lost. How do get lost snowmobiling? There are literal tracks for you to follow.

8:09pm: Everyone complains that they're cold.

8:10pm: Oh now they want to use my track idea! But now it's too snowy.

8:11pm: They find shelter in the hospital from the beginning of the film because of course. Every other line is about how they are freezing.

8:12pm: OMG you guys! This place is wicked cool. LOL! The girls sit around and talk about their boyfriends and laugh at everything.

8:13pm: The guys have the WORST hair in this. Observe:

8:17pm: They're also horrible people as they play doctor on their female friends and ask them offensive questions, but the girls are all like LOL!! Because sure.

8:20pm: One of the 14 couples announces they're off to sex. And so it begins.

8:23pm: Everyone bickers.

8:25pm: DRINKING IN A HOSPITAL MONTAGE!!

8:27pm: DRUNKEN WHEELCHAIR RACING MONTAGE!!

8:28pm: The montages stop when they start watching film reels of the brothers being "treated".  They say things like, "this is freaky", "I feel kind of bad for them."

8:30pm: They all go to bed. One guy gets up because he can't sleep and wants to explore. As you do.

8:31pm: More soft-core lesbian sex.

8:32pm: Guy that can't sleep gets an ice pick through the nose, making for many delightful picking your nose puns.

8:33pm: It's morning. "We're almost out of weed."

8:34pm: Nose pick guy's girlfriend is worried. Everyone else could care less.

8:36pm: They agree to split into groups to find him. Now no one cares that all their stuff is gone.

8:41pm: One of them falls into a hillbilly trap. There is much rejoicing.

8:42pm: They all run out into the snow storm hoping their snow mobiles will start. I'll wait here while you guess what happens.

8:43pm: One girl goes off on her own because "she's the strongest skier." The rest of them go inside to fight and defend themselves.

8:47pm: The hillbillies are running around laughing and taunting them. They sound oddly similar to Muppets.

8:50pm: "Okay, we've got to figure out what to do." is a line that's said in this movie.

8:53pm: The group's big plan is to run at them screaming. This actually works and the group chases the hillbillies into their original cell.

8:55pm: The group decides to roast the hillbillies alive. The quasi-Final Girl is trying to get them not to do it.  She miraculously succeeds and they agree to leave in the morning. The group splits up again to find jumper cables or something. I kind of missed that part because I was making tea.

8:58pm: The guy tasked with watching the hillbillies falls asleep and the hillbillies escape.

9:00pm: REVELATION YOU GUYS!!! I knew I recognized one of the lesbians from somewhere and it's Tanika from Canada's Next Top Model.

9:02pm: The group discovers the hillbillies and their buddy are gone.

9:03pm: The girls decide to kill someone with a bag over their head... I wonder who it is....

9:04pm: The girls figure it out. Aw.

9:07pm: They get snowsuits and make a run for it.

9:09pm: Now the hillbillies are circling them with snowmobiles.

9:10pm: Now they're being chased by the hillbillies on snow mobiles. This movie... I can't even.

9:13pm: The girls hit one of the hillbillies with a stick and agree to get out of there. While snowmobiling out of there the two survivors get decapitated.

9:14pm: Credits.

Moral of the story - no good can come from  snowmobiling. 

Ghosts in the Machine: The Evolution of Found Footage Horror at The Black Museum

I figure if I can't shamelessly plug myself here, where can I? This Thursday April 18th I'll be giving a lecture as part of The Black Museum's Spring semester. I'll be presenting on the topic of Found Footage Horror and its evolution by analyzing Cannibal Holocaust (1980), The Blair Witch Project (1999), The Ring (2002), REC (2007), Paranormal Activity (2007) and The Last Exorcism (2010). The lecture will be taking place at Big Picture Cinema at Gerrard and Jones in the east end of Toronto. The lecture starts at 8pm.advanced tickets can be bought on the event page for $12 or at the door for $15.

I hope some of you can make it. If all else fails, they also serve beer at the theatre.